DEALING WITH A MARRIAGE WITH NO INTIMACY

Forgetting that I am a 73-year-old faith-driven Christian woman, speaking to my girlfriends, regardless of their religious beliefs, I have learned from them that there are many reasons why intimacy in a marriage may fade.

The problem I have is there are far too many for me to list here. Yet, at the same time, I have learned from their experiences that just because intimacy has dwindled in their marriages doesn’t translate into a marriage being doomed. This is because one needs to remember that you cannot equate having no intimacy with having no sex with your partner.

The lack of either one could be somewhat disconcerting or quite problematic, and both need to be handled differently. While the lack of sex requires no further explanation, the lack of intimacy might simply involve caressing each other, holding hands, kissing, or even just talking to one another. Determining what component is missing from the marriage in question is essential in tackling the issue and resolving it quicker.

Without the closeness that once might have been present in a relationship due to a distant feeling that either one might possess or the disappearance of the once-present physical relationship of intimacy, the source of the lack of intimacy might be found.

The possibility of the nonexistence of sex might also be the source of the intimacy problem. Regardless of the source of the issue, different things can be done to attempt to rekindle intimacy in a marriage and different ways to cope with its lack in a marriage.

• Start by talking to your partner about the lost connection:

• Choose an agreeable time to talk

• Make time to listen.

• If the issue is sex, then ascertain its importance to your happiness.

Sex can be a deal-breaker? As it needs to be approached cautiously. Serious questions must be asked and answered in any discussion by each partner, questions like:

• How much sex is enough?
• How much is too much?
• Why do you want or don’t want sex?

If it is determined that the issue is a medical one, then you should seek the help of a doctor to address the issue.

MARRIAGE GOLDEN RULE #1 – AVOID ABUSE

As a 73-year-old faith-driven Christian woman who has been married for 30+ years to my dear OH, I have learned the four golden rules that cannot be broken in marriage to prevent the possibility of a devastating marriage failure that can lead to an unwanted divorce.

The first of these rules is NEVER to ABUSE your spouse, regardless of whether you’re the husband or wife. Regardless of how you had been raised as a child, there is no excuse for any abuse, whether it be physical or even plain verbal. In either or any other form, abuse is always totally unacceptable. The truth is you might require counseling if you had been, unfortunately, growing up as a child in a dysfunctional environment. Furthermore, you should never attempt to use your past life experiences as a reason to continue any inappropriate behavior now or in the future. As I have mentioned in the beginning, violating the rule of never abusing your spouse can ultimately lead to divorce.

COMMUNICATION TIPS #6 – NEVER TALK TRASH

As a Christian woman being married for 30+ years to my dear OH, I have learned there is far more than one facet to what is called communication, which comprises most of the secrets of successful marriages, as well as many of the devastating marriage failures.

A successful marriage, from my experience, involves the swapping of information in couples without any attempt to hurt one another. I happen to be overweight, and if my OH would dare to say something like, “What you are wearing makes you look fat.” I would hate it and probably might slap his face hard.” On the other hand, if he would say something like, “How about wearing your dark blue pants when we go out for dinner tonight? Those pants compliment your figure. I would tend to give him a tender kiss.

So, here is a tip that will aid in your communication with your spouse.

NEVER TALK TRASH

Experience will ultimately teach you that you should never ever tell your secrets to any of your friends or even family. Secrets have an uncanny way of spreading and you will wind up hurting your other half if you talk negatively about him to your girlfriends, think about the perils of gossiping. However, if your being abused in any manner, it is perfectly okay to seek and enlist their help.

COMMUNICATION TIPS #5- DON’T PLAY GAMES

As a Christian woman being married for 30+ years to my dear OH, I have learned there is far more than one facet to what is called communication, which comprises most of the secrets of successful marriages, as well as many of the devastating marriage failures.

A successful marriage, from my experience, involves the swapping of information in couples without any attempt to hurt one another. I happen to be overweight, and if my OH would dare to say something like, “What you are wearing makes you look fat.” I would hate it and probably might slap his face hard.” On the other hand, if he would say something like, “How about wearing your dark blue pants when we go out for dinner tonight? Those pants compliment your figure. I would tend to give him a tender kiss.

So, here is a tip that will aid in your communication with your spouse.

DON’T PLAY GAMES

Okay, my dear sisters-in-Christ, let us be honest with ourselves here. Many of us love to play games from time to time. Raise your hands if you have ever told your husband anything similar to this: “You should know why I am mad about this by now,” After which, you give him the proverbial silent treatment by not speaking to him.

The probable truth might be that he actually doesn’t know you are angry at him, and if you continue the silent treatment, the problem at hand will never get resolved.

COMMUNICATION TIPS #4- LISTEN

As a Christian woman being married for 30+ years to my dear OH, I have learned there is far more than one facet to what is called communication, which comprises most of the secrets of successful marriages, as well as many of the devastating marriage failures.

A successful marriage, from my experience, involves the swapping of information in couples without any attempt to hurt one another. I happen to be overweight, and if my OH would dare to say something like, “What you are wearing makes you look fat.” I would hate it and probably might slap his face hard.” On the other hand, if he would say something like, “How about wearing your dark blue pants when we go out for dinner tonight? Those pants compliment your figure. I would tend to give him a tender kiss.

So, here is a tip that will aid in your communication with your spouse.

LISTEN

Whenever your husband happens to tell you that you’re doing something that irks him, you should simply make a concerted to change. This is likewise true when you tell him the same thing. It can be as trivial as his telling you to stop hanging your pantyhose over the shower curtain rod. This small change, if not done, and lead to a verbal explosion. When this is added to other annoying little things could easily become the beginnings of a pending divorce.

COMMUNICATION TIP #3 – TONAL QUALITY

It is important to be careful in the manner you say things when you need to say something. The tone of your voice can easily influence whatever you’re saying making your words come across different than what you’re intending to say. If I would simply say “everything is all right in a soft, quite tone; it would communicate something different if I would say “EVERYTHING IS ALL RIGHT” in a loud voice. If I would say, “I should give him money”; stressing a particular word in each of five times; each time it would mean something different. Say this sentence aloud five times, and each time stress a different word, you would hear something different each time, and you would see what I mean. 

REMAINING SINGLE // CHRISTIAN WOMAN DISCUSSION #6

To all my single Christian sisters-in-Christ,

Being married for 30 years to my dear OH [other half], I don’t particularly appreciate using labels like wife, husband, or spouse; I find this label more endearing. I never thought I’d ever get married, but I did two months before I was 43, and my dear OH just turning 39 three days before. So, I wondered what the Bible says about remaining single or using the term singleness.

We are all well aware that the Lord has in mind a definitive plan for each of us, and to fulfill His plans, it would be best if specific individuals remain single. 

We are quite aware that the Lord’s son, Jesus Christ, had remained single, as did many others who became His servants, like Paul and Jeremiah. If individuals continue to struggle to get married while the Lord desires for them to remain single, going against His plans for them, the unfortunate result would be that they will never discover real peace in their lives. Let us remember that our Lord loves all of His children the same, whether they’re married or single.

In fact, the Lord gave Jeremiah specific instructions to remain single JEREMIAH 16:2 [NKJV]:

“You shall not take a wife, nor shall you have sons or daughters in this place.”

We have to remember what Paul wrote in 1 CORINTHIANS 7:8 [NKJV]:

“But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am;”

As I’ve mentioned above, being and remaining single is predicated on the Lord’s path for an individual to follow. Verification of this is found when we read 1 CORINTHIANS 7:17 [ESV]:

“Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him. This is my rule in all the churches.”

All of 1 CORINTHIANS 7, written by Paul, deals with the topic of marriage and remaining single, which is why we need to read Verse 35 to find his simple conclusion:

“I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.”

And if we want to learn Paul’s ultimate conclusion, we then need to read 1 CORINTHIANS 7:27-28 [ESV]

[27] Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife.”

[28] But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that.”

In the above, I’ve attempted to show that being single is not an issue that any of us need to be concerned about, as it might just be part of the Lord’s plan for our individual existence. And if you are single, I feel it might serve your best interest to increase your relationship with Him as a servant spreading His words to others.

WINNING THE MARRIAGE GAME IS A DESIRE WE, AS CHRISTIAN WOMEN, WANT TO ACHIEVE IN OUR LIVES

Being a 73-year-old faith-driven Christian woman who has created a small online ministry, I want all of my sisters-in-Christ to remember that the Lord’s presence is the key essential item in the relationship between a husband and his wife. Unfortunately, some individuals allow their hearts to rule their minds when it comes to falling in love, which causes them to rush into marriage with that person blindly. At the same time, there are individuals whose minds rule their hearts, and they rush into marriage because they believe that it’s the proper thing to do, yet there’s no real love for that other person.

Given the vast multitudes of personalities that exist between men and women, two individuals can’t really mesh together 100% correctly. There needs to exist some compromise between the two, and within this act of compromising, occasionally, couples might encounter incidents where anguish and disagreement rule the day. Unfortunately, there’s no single book designed to give individuals detailed information about how something should be done when these incidences arise, with the exception of one, which is the book written by the Lord, that is due to the fact that He is the one who had created the institution of marriage.

When you come down to the fundamental characteristics influencing the quality of married life, you have nine.

1] DECLARATION of what is really pleasing.

2] RESPECT of each other.

3] HUMBLENESS in possessing humility.

4] ROMANCE in taking care of things lovingly.

5] UNCONDITIONAL LOVE of possessing it without reason.

6. EXPECTATIONS: having them leads to disappointments.

6. SPIRITUAL WARFARE: be prepared for things lurking in the background.

7. VIRTUE vs VICE: the old story of good versus evil.

9. PERSONAL GROWTH of improving one’s self to please the other.

In regards to marriage itself, I have come to learn what we need to know is written look at EPHESIANS 5:28-33 [NKJV]:

28] So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.

29] For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.

30] For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones.

31] For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.

32]This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

33] Nevertheless, let each one of you in particular so love his own Have a BLESSED WEDNESDAY and success in winning the marriage game in your lives.

COMMUNICATION TIPS #2 – OPENNESS

As a Christian woman being married for 30+ years to my dear OH, I have learned there is far more than one facet to what is called communication, which comprises most of the secrets of successful marriages, as well as many of the devastating marriage failures.

A successful marriage, from my experience, involves the swapping of information in couples without any attempt to hurt one another. I happen to be overweight, and if my OH would dare to say something like, “What you are wearing makes you look fat.” I would hate it and probably might slap his face hard.” On the other hand, if he would say something like, “How about wearing your dark blue pants when we go out for dinner tonight? Those pants compliment your figure. I would tend to give him a tender kiss.

So, here is a tip that will aid in your communication with your spouse.

OPENNESS

Those little spats you might experience in your marriage can lead ultimately to a destructive blow up which either you or your spouse or even both of you will regret. Do not hold back in saying what needs to be said before it becomes a tension making episode. My spouse has habits that drives me totally crazy which I need to keep reminding the dear not to do. If I didn’t, and I would allow it to continue to aggravate me, I might wind up doing something I will live to regret.

So, my dear sisters-in-Christ, let us keep the peace in our marriages by applying communication tips in our marriages.

COMMUNICATION TIPS #1- HONESTY

As a Christian woman being married for 30+ years to my dear OH, I have learned there is far more than one facet to what is called communication, which comprises most of the secrets of successful marriages, as well as many of the devastating marriage failures.

A successful marriage, from my experience, involves the swapping of information in couples without any attempt to hurt one another. I happen to be overweight, and if my OH would dare to say something like, “What you are wearing makes you look fat.” I would hate it and probably might slap his face hard.” On the other hand, if he would say something like, “How about wearing your dark blue pants when we go out for dinner tonight? Those pants compliment your figure. I would tend to give him a tender kiss.

So, here is a tip that will aid in your communication with your spouse.

HONESTY

If you should ever lie to your spouse, how would he ever be able to trust you in the future? Moreover, and more importantly, how do you expect to keep him forever happy being married to you.