DEALING WITH A MARRIAGE WITH NO INTIMACY

Forgetting that I am a 73-year-old faith-driven Christian woman, speaking to my girlfriends, regardless of their religious beliefs, I have learned from them that there are many reasons why intimacy in a marriage may fade.

The problem I have is there are far too many for me to list here. Yet, at the same time, I have learned from their experiences that just because intimacy has dwindled in their marriages doesn’t translate into a marriage being doomed. This is because one needs to remember that you cannot equate having no intimacy with having no sex with your partner.

The lack of either one could be somewhat disconcerting or quite problematic, and both need to be handled differently. While the lack of sex requires no further explanation, the lack of intimacy might simply involve caressing each other, holding hands, kissing, or even just talking to one another. Determining what component is missing from the marriage in question is essential in tackling the issue and resolving it quicker.

Without the closeness that once might have been present in a relationship due to a distant feeling that either one might possess or the disappearance of the once-present physical relationship of intimacy, the source of the lack of intimacy might be found.

The possibility of the nonexistence of sex might also be the source of the intimacy problem. Regardless of the source of the issue, different things can be done to attempt to rekindle intimacy in a marriage and different ways to cope with its lack in a marriage.

• Start by talking to your partner about the lost connection:

• Choose an agreeable time to talk

• Make time to listen.

• If the issue is sex, then ascertain its importance to your happiness.

Sex can be a deal-breaker? As it needs to be approached cautiously. Serious questions must be asked and answered in any discussion by each partner, questions like:

• How much sex is enough?
• How much is too much?
• Why do you want or don’t want sex?

If it is determined that the issue is a medical one, then you should seek the help of a doctor to address the issue.

COMMUNICATION TIPS #2 – OPENNESS

As a Christian woman being married for 30+ years to my dear OH, I have learned there is far more than one facet to what is called communication, which comprises most of the secrets of successful marriages, as well as many of the devastating marriage failures.

A successful marriage, from my experience, involves the swapping of information in couples without any attempt to hurt one another. I happen to be overweight, and if my OH would dare to say something like, “What you are wearing makes you look fat.” I would hate it and probably might slap his face hard.” On the other hand, if he would say something like, “How about wearing your dark blue pants when we go out for dinner tonight? Those pants compliment your figure. I would tend to give him a tender kiss.

So, here is a tip that will aid in your communication with your spouse.

OPENNESS

Those little spats you might experience in your marriage can lead ultimately to a destructive blow up which either you or your spouse or even both of you will regret. Do not hold back in saying what needs to be said before it becomes a tension making episode. My spouse has habits that drives me totally crazy which I need to keep reminding the dear not to do. If I didn’t, and I would allow it to continue to aggravate me, I might wind up doing something I will live to regret.

So, my dear sisters-in-Christ, let us keep the peace in our marriages by applying communication tips in our marriages.

WHAT IS THIS THING WE CALL INTIMACY? – PART 2

Intimacy itself can come in different forms, which is something that needs to be understood; the two most important ones when it comes to marriage are physical and emotional intimacy.

When it comes to emotional intimacy, each party needs to open up to their partner and tell them things about themselves that they would never dare share with anyone else. This sharing is the sense of trust and acceptance that they share and cannot have with anyone who is a stranger. The pinnacle of true emotional intimacy happens when they feel safe and accepted in their marriage and are free to share their thoughts and inner feelings with their partner.

When it comes to intimacy, sexual intimacy differs from physical intimacy, yet it includes many of the same attributes. Physical intimacy, just like sexual intimacy, involves closeness through touching but doesn’t necessitate the actual act of sex itself.

In contrast, sexual intimacy involves the act of making love to your partner through touching each other.  Basically, you can be physically intimate by holding hands or cuddling, but sexual intimacy involves the actual act of sex. Given this, while couples are no longer sexually active, they are still quite intimate with each other. At the same time, couples are engaging in sex without any sense of being intimate. This is why finding the appropriate balance in a couple’s relationship is vital to its longevity. Although for some couples, sex might be important, it does not have to be everything. What is important is the presence of honesty.

In addition to emotional and sexual intimacy, we also have to consider items such as sharing ideas through intellectual intimacy. And then there’s spiritual intimacy, where couples open their hearts to each other, much in the same manner individuals open their hearts to the Lord. Lastly, let’s not forget engaging in some leisure activities where we find couples experiencing experiential intimacy.

All of these types of intimacies are present in the marriages of all couples. They are important to their relationships at various levels to form the totality of their marriages ultimately. Both sexes will have their individual preference as to what they desire, and each needs to understand each other’s preferences to build their relationship best.