DEALING WITH A MARRIAGE WITH NO INTIMACY

Forgetting that I am a 73-year-old faith-driven Christian woman, speaking to my girlfriends, regardless of their religious beliefs, I have learned from them that there are many reasons why intimacy in a marriage may fade.

The problem I have is there are far too many for me to list here. Yet, at the same time, I have learned from their experiences that just because intimacy has dwindled in their marriages doesn’t translate into a marriage being doomed. This is because one needs to remember that you cannot equate having no intimacy with having no sex with your partner.

The lack of either one could be somewhat disconcerting or quite problematic, and both need to be handled differently. While the lack of sex requires no further explanation, the lack of intimacy might simply involve caressing each other, holding hands, kissing, or even just talking to one another. Determining what component is missing from the marriage in question is essential in tackling the issue and resolving it quicker.

Without the closeness that once might have been present in a relationship due to a distant feeling that either one might possess or the disappearance of the once-present physical relationship of intimacy, the source of the lack of intimacy might be found.

The possibility of the nonexistence of sex might also be the source of the intimacy problem. Regardless of the source of the issue, different things can be done to attempt to rekindle intimacy in a marriage and different ways to cope with its lack in a marriage.

• Start by talking to your partner about the lost connection:

• Choose an agreeable time to talk

• Make time to listen.

• If the issue is sex, then ascertain its importance to your happiness.

Sex can be a deal-breaker? As it needs to be approached cautiously. Serious questions must be asked and answered in any discussion by each partner, questions like:

• How much sex is enough?
• How much is too much?
• Why do you want or don’t want sex?

If it is determined that the issue is a medical one, then you should seek the help of a doctor to address the issue.

REMAINING SINGLE // CHRISTIAN WOMAN DISCUSSION #6

To all my single Christian sisters-in-Christ,

Being married for 30 years to my dear OH [other half], I don’t particularly appreciate using labels like wife, husband, or spouse; I find this label more endearing. I never thought I’d ever get married, but I did two months before I was 43, and my dear OH just turning 39 three days before. So, I wondered what the Bible says about remaining single or using the term singleness.

We are all well aware that the Lord has in mind a definitive plan for each of us, and to fulfill His plans, it would be best if specific individuals remain single. 

We are quite aware that the Lord’s son, Jesus Christ, had remained single, as did many others who became His servants, like Paul and Jeremiah. If individuals continue to struggle to get married while the Lord desires for them to remain single, going against His plans for them, the unfortunate result would be that they will never discover real peace in their lives. Let us remember that our Lord loves all of His children the same, whether they’re married or single.

In fact, the Lord gave Jeremiah specific instructions to remain single JEREMIAH 16:2 [NKJV]:

“You shall not take a wife, nor shall you have sons or daughters in this place.”

We have to remember what Paul wrote in 1 CORINTHIANS 7:8 [NKJV]:

“But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am;”

As I’ve mentioned above, being and remaining single is predicated on the Lord’s path for an individual to follow. Verification of this is found when we read 1 CORINTHIANS 7:17 [ESV]:

“Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him. This is my rule in all the churches.”

All of 1 CORINTHIANS 7, written by Paul, deals with the topic of marriage and remaining single, which is why we need to read Verse 35 to find his simple conclusion:

“I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.”

And if we want to learn Paul’s ultimate conclusion, we then need to read 1 CORINTHIANS 7:27-28 [ESV]

[27] Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife.”

[28] But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that.”

In the above, I’ve attempted to show that being single is not an issue that any of us need to be concerned about, as it might just be part of the Lord’s plan for our individual existence. And if you are single, I feel it might serve your best interest to increase your relationship with Him as a servant spreading His words to others.

WINNING THE MARRIAGE GAME IS A DESIRE WE, AS CHRISTIAN WOMEN, WANT TO ACHIEVE IN OUR LIVES

Being a 73-year-old faith-driven Christian woman who has created a small online ministry, I want all of my sisters-in-Christ to remember that the Lord’s presence is the key essential item in the relationship between a husband and his wife. Unfortunately, some individuals allow their hearts to rule their minds when it comes to falling in love, which causes them to rush into marriage with that person blindly. At the same time, there are individuals whose minds rule their hearts, and they rush into marriage because they believe that it’s the proper thing to do, yet there’s no real love for that other person.

Given the vast multitudes of personalities that exist between men and women, two individuals can’t really mesh together 100% correctly. There needs to exist some compromise between the two, and within this act of compromising, occasionally, couples might encounter incidents where anguish and disagreement rule the day. Unfortunately, there’s no single book designed to give individuals detailed information about how something should be done when these incidences arise, with the exception of one, which is the book written by the Lord, that is due to the fact that He is the one who had created the institution of marriage.

When you come down to the fundamental characteristics influencing the quality of married life, you have nine.

1] DECLARATION of what is really pleasing.

2] RESPECT of each other.

3] HUMBLENESS in possessing humility.

4] ROMANCE in taking care of things lovingly.

5] UNCONDITIONAL LOVE of possessing it without reason.

6. EXPECTATIONS: having them leads to disappointments.

6. SPIRITUAL WARFARE: be prepared for things lurking in the background.

7. VIRTUE vs VICE: the old story of good versus evil.

9. PERSONAL GROWTH of improving one’s self to please the other.

In regards to marriage itself, I have come to learn what we need to know is written look at EPHESIANS 5:28-33 [NKJV]:

28] So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.

29] For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.

30] For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones.

31] For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.

32]This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

33] Nevertheless, let each one of you in particular so love his own Have a BLESSED WEDNESDAY and success in winning the marriage game in your lives.

TRYING TO FIND THE PERFECT CHRISTIAN MATE// CHRISTIAN WOMAN DISCUSSION #5

When you were a young Christian girl, how many of you hadn’t read the book or seen Disney’s Cinderella cartoon? How many can remember the song “Someday My Prince Will Come” from the cartoon Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs? I read the story and saw the cartoon [even as an adult woman]. As far as the song is concerned and my suffering from a genetic condition, it is one of my favorites, as I got married two months before my 43^rd birthday, and my dear OH celebrated a 39^th birthday three days before our wedding day.

Some day, my prince will come.

Some day, we’ll meet again.

And away to his castle, we’ll go

To be happy forever, I know

Some day, when spring is here

We’ll find a love anew

And the birds will sing

And wedding bells will ring

Someday, when my dreams come true

These two items, more than anything else I can think of, have been what has been instilled in the minds of young Christian women as to the kind of guy they want to have as their husband. Sometimes, young Christian women, still in their late teens, get so fascinated with the guy they’re seeing that they rush unprepared into a marriage. The worst scenario is when their mother tells them not to get involved with that guy.

Fiction sometimes emulates real life, and it is one of the first books I reviewed in 2014. In the story, against her parent’s wishes, the young protagonist decides to run off with a guy her parents had forbidden her to see and gets married to him. Before long, she discovers the truth of what the adorable man she’d married is truly like, and the happy ever after this protagonist had once thought she’d found has now become merely a nightmare no woman wants to be in.

Sometimes, as Christian women get older, their desperation even leads them to get involved with a nonbeliever with whom they get married to. Perhaps they hope that they’ll be able to turn their new husband into a believer. The problem here is that they’ve forgotten the scripture that forbids this, 2 CORINTHIANS 6:14 [NKJV]:

“Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?”

And even though a Christian woman might have found a marvelous, religious guy to be married to, there’s no guarantee that there won’t be any problems in their marriage. Doubters only need to check out some of the posts posted in Christian Facebook groups that deal with wives and marriage. Even worse than this, according to a True Crime book that I reviewed, there are men of faith who are also men of murder [of their wives]. The best path for Christian women to find their Prince Charming is to find someone who shares the same things they love, especially an adoration for the Lord. Enter into the bounds of Holy Matrimony in sight of the Lord. Then, they live their marriages in the manner the Lord wants them, and if necessary, seek guidance to ensure they remain on the correct path so their marriages will seem as if they’ve been made in heaven.

Have a BLESSED DAY, my dear sisters-in-Christ. And if you’re in search of the perfect guy to get married to, just be patient, for the Lord someone planned for you to find at the time and place he has chosen.

COMMUNICATION TIPS #2 – OPENNESS

As a Christian woman being married for 30+ years to my dear OH, I have learned there is far more than one facet to what is called communication, which comprises most of the secrets of successful marriages, as well as many of the devastating marriage failures.

A successful marriage, from my experience, involves the swapping of information in couples without any attempt to hurt one another. I happen to be overweight, and if my OH would dare to say something like, “What you are wearing makes you look fat.” I would hate it and probably might slap his face hard.” On the other hand, if he would say something like, “How about wearing your dark blue pants when we go out for dinner tonight? Those pants compliment your figure. I would tend to give him a tender kiss.

So, here is a tip that will aid in your communication with your spouse.

OPENNESS

Those little spats you might experience in your marriage can lead ultimately to a destructive blow up which either you or your spouse or even both of you will regret. Do not hold back in saying what needs to be said before it becomes a tension making episode. My spouse has habits that drives me totally crazy which I need to keep reminding the dear not to do. If I didn’t, and I would allow it to continue to aggravate me, I might wind up doing something I will live to regret.

So, my dear sisters-in-Christ, let us keep the peace in our marriages by applying communication tips in our marriages.

WHAT KIND OF INTIMACY CAN THERE BE IN A WHOLESOME CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE ??? // CHRISTIAN WOMAN DISCUSSION #4

Ladies, my dear sisters-in-Christ, it goes without saying that as a woman, you’re probably craving to have some intimacy in your marriage like your secular counterparts. But as Christian women, we know it must be according to our faith.

Allegiance, hard work, and devotion to one’s spouse is what healthy Christian marriage are all about. This is despite our perhaps not feeling like we love our spouses at all. We know how our Lord loves others – without any limitations or fears, and, therefore, how we need to love others. This is seen as we read in 1 CORINTHIANS 13:4-8 [NKJV]

4] Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;

5] does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil;

6] does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 

7] bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

8] Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away.

We’re duty-bound to adhere to what we are told in 1 Thessalonians 5:11 [NKJV]:

“Therefore, comfort each other and edify one another, just as you also are doing.”

We need to remember that no matter what, through thick and thin, our Lord will always be there for us. We know that He desires for us and our spouses to be the best versions possible of ourselves to each other. Our marriages must be based on our shared reassurances, inspiration, and empowerment.

No one expects for every marriage to be easy to navigate, and not for them to always to be perfect, and this includes the Lord. The Lord with His wisdom knows we might occasionally act out of character, fight, and forget to love each other or appreciate one another as He has intended. When this should happen, we need to re-read EPHESIANS 4:2-3 [NKJV]

[2] with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love,

[3]  endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

Please leave your comments so others can read them.

Have a BLESSED DAY each and every day with each other and with whatever you’re going to be doing, especially if it’s something for our Lord and Savior.

WHAT IS THIS THING WE CALL INTIMACY? – PART 2

Intimacy itself can come in different forms, which is something that needs to be understood; the two most important ones when it comes to marriage are physical and emotional intimacy.

When it comes to emotional intimacy, each party needs to open up to their partner and tell them things about themselves that they would never dare share with anyone else. This sharing is the sense of trust and acceptance that they share and cannot have with anyone who is a stranger. The pinnacle of true emotional intimacy happens when they feel safe and accepted in their marriage and are free to share their thoughts and inner feelings with their partner.

When it comes to intimacy, sexual intimacy differs from physical intimacy, yet it includes many of the same attributes. Physical intimacy, just like sexual intimacy, involves closeness through touching but doesn’t necessitate the actual act of sex itself.

In contrast, sexual intimacy involves the act of making love to your partner through touching each other.  Basically, you can be physically intimate by holding hands or cuddling, but sexual intimacy involves the actual act of sex. Given this, while couples are no longer sexually active, they are still quite intimate with each other. At the same time, couples are engaging in sex without any sense of being intimate. This is why finding the appropriate balance in a couple’s relationship is vital to its longevity. Although for some couples, sex might be important, it does not have to be everything. What is important is the presence of honesty.

In addition to emotional and sexual intimacy, we also have to consider items such as sharing ideas through intellectual intimacy. And then there’s spiritual intimacy, where couples open their hearts to each other, much in the same manner individuals open their hearts to the Lord. Lastly, let’s not forget engaging in some leisure activities where we find couples experiencing experiential intimacy.

All of these types of intimacies are present in the marriages of all couples. They are important to their relationships at various levels to form the totality of their marriages ultimately. Both sexes will have their individual preference as to what they desire, and each needs to understand each other’s preferences to build their relationship best.